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Guilt of leaving child home alone

Posted by Daniellefort on 2/19/2012 6:58:27 AM.

My daughter is 19 though acts like 13. Not interested in typical teenage things. She still plays with her stuffed toy dogs as if they were real even though we have 2 real dogs. She really has been isolated as she also has social issues and no friends. I feel guilt leaving her home by herself all day with really nothing to do. My husband on the other hand (who adopted her at age 10) thinks there shouldn't be a problem. I currently pay a high school girl $20 a day to come "hang out" with her while im working and they have fun together. Anyone else have that guilty feeling of leaving your child home alone for 8 hours a day?

There are currently 5 replies.

      

  • 1 . Re: Guilt of leaving child home alone
    Posted by lelizabeth on 02/19/2012

    That is a tough one, for all parents regardless of their child's abilities. You know your daughter. Take your husband's views into serious consideration though. I'm in a situation where my child has a very caring "step" parent. Sometimes I think he's too tough on the kid, but a little distance can also give perspective and I try not to discount that. If she needs extra supports (like this high schooler) and you are comfortable with it and can pay, I don't think it can be harmful. How about getting a p/t cleaning lady? She'd have company and you come home to a sparkly clean house (my favorite guilty pleasure is spending money to have someone else clean the house!). What I'm wondering is, if there are other options for her during the day. In NY we have options like supported employment through VESID. I'm unsure from your post if your daughter has any developmental delays, but if she does she may qualify for day services, recreation programs or community habilitation programs through your state or county (usually medicaid funded for folks with disabilities). I am aware of these services in NY because that is what I happen to do for a living. You may also find programs that would work for your daughter, through your Commission for the Blind or local not for profits. Again, I'm unsure of your daughter abilities, challenges and desires and every state/county is a bit different so I'm just throwing things out there that may or may not fit for your family. In the end, don't feel guilty for making a living or doing the best that you can for your child. You sound like an excellent mama, but we all need to be reassured of that. I'm sure your husband loves this young woman. Give his thoughts on the matter some real consideration and then make the decision that is the best fit for your family. Best of luck!



  • 2 . Re: Guilt of leaving child home alone
    Posted by Daniellefort on 02/19/2012

    Theres a wonderful work/day program in town but because she has no mental disabilities (only blindness) she is not eligible even though many clients there seem similar to her ability. I have a friend who works there and spoke to her boss about it.



  • 3 . Re: Guilt of leaving child home alone
    Posted by lelizabeth on 02/19/2012

    The fact that you feel many of the folks in the program seem to have similar functioning levels as your daughter, makes me think that perhaps she may have additional challenges that have yet to be diagnosed. If you feel strongly that something has been missed, keep pushing. Many disabilities (just as an example - Aspergers) are difficult to diagnose for professionals who are not specially trained or experienced in them. I don't know that you feel there is a possible additional disability, but if you do, don't give up. In NY these disabilities must onset by age 19 to qualify for services under mental hygiene law as developmental disabilities. Contact your local (state or county) developmental disabilities office. Explain what you see in your child and ask if they can recommend a Dr or Clinic with expertise in diagnosing such issues. If she truly doesn't qualify, she may still be able to find something that she enjoys being involved with while you are working. Best of luck, Mom.



  • 4 . Re: Guilt of leaving child home alone
    Posted by Thrill Monster2012 on 06/03/2012

    Hello, you sound a lot like my mom. I am 19, I act younger than 19, I strongly feel I have Autsm or Asperger's. What else does your daughter 2ike to do? I enjoy dogs too.



  • 5 . Re: Guilt of leaving child home alone
    Posted by Daniellefort on 06/08/2012

    She really likes to read. That keeps her busy but they are all short story books that she can read in a day. When we do family things, we go hiking, take the dogs for walks or 4-wheeling. She really enjoys doing things like that.


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